A few weeks ago I was at church on a Wednesday night and we gathered in different rooms with our Watchcare Groups. (Watchcare groups= every family in the church is divided between deacons. Each deacon group is called a watchcare group.) My deacon was working late so my watchcare group was in with another watchcare group. I would guess there were probably 16-18 people in the room.
The focus of Wednesday nights is corporate prayer. For half of the evening we go over our prayer bulletins, pray for what is listed on them, and then share our own prayer requests and pray for those.
This particular night when our deacon announced we would now go to prayer, praying for the items on the first page of the bulletin, he said we could pray as we felt led. Everyone closed their eyes and bowed their heads. Someone opened up the prayer- and then the room was totally silent. And silent. And more silence. It seemed like it had been 10 minutes of silence but it probably was only 60 seconds.
I sat there frozen in my seat. Wanting to pray but knowing that since it had been quiet for so long someone else was probably thinking they would start praying and so as soon as I'd start to pray someone else was gonna start to pray and we'd stumble over each other. So I stayed quiet. Still quiet. Starting to smile out of nervousness (I smile when I'm nervous) and wondering why in a group of 16-18 people NOBODY was praying. Were they all anxious in that moment like I was? I mean, all these Christians in a room who believe in the power of prayer yet nobody is praying (out loud).
Finally the deacon prayed and we all looked up, ready to go over the next part of the bulletin and I was thankful to be out of that moment of anxiety. The deacon smiled slightly and said he knew it was tough to pray in large groups but he didn't want us to miss out on participating and the blessing the Lord had for us.
I don't have a fear of praying in large groups. (Can you believe there is actually something I'm NOT afraid of?? lol) My fear is not of praying. I just don't like the part where I have to decide- should I pray now?
The second round of praying was about to happen. Our deacon asked for volunteers this time and I was the first person to raise my hand. I was much more at ease this way. He took a few more volunteers and then he asked someone if they would close. The volunteers came quickly and we prayed no problem.
And then a third round of praying no problem. Lots of volunteers.
So, what is the point of this story??? I have a few.
1. I think people want to volunteer or be assigned when they are going to pray instead of speaking out. If I ever lead a prayer group I'm going to take volunteers instead of leaving it open.
2. Don't assume you understand why a person isn't praying. It isn't necessarily cause they are afraid. It might be for the same reason as me. It might be because they are having personal issues and just want to pray along. Just because a person isn't praying out loud doesn't mean they aren't pray inside.
3. Pride. When I am "afraid" to speak out and pray because I'm afraid someone else will also speak out at the very same time and I'll be embarrassed, I'm being prideful. Who really cares, right?? I should just pray. That's what I'm there for. (I'm not saying everyone who doesn't pray is being prideful but I am saying that I am.) I'm going to try and work on this. If you are ever in a prayer room with me please hold me accountable.