Alone

Hi Friends. :) It's been a while since I wrote. There is no real reason why I haven't been here. I haven't been any busier than I normally am. I have even come to my own blog several times thinking that I might post and then... NOTHING. Sometimes when you try to talk (write), the words just aren't there. Is this because you are tired and can't think??? Or is this because God isn't ready for you to put something "out there" for everyone to read. I don't know. I was on a roll with this blog until my life started getting complicated.


I titled my blog "Alone" because I currently find myself physically "alone" at this very moment. Mike's Dad has a job that he needed help with and he asked Mike if he would be the helper. So, at least 6 times Mike has left our house at 11pm- give or take- and GONE to work. :( One night he didn't get home until 4am. It's currently 2:36am and he's not here. Now this may seem like nothing because normally at this time he is here sleeping beside me in the bed and it's not like we are talking or anything. But I don't like being the only adult in the house. Also, I feel so bad for him that I am sitting here in my pjs, drinking hot tea with Cheers reruns playing in the background. I feel so guilty.


I also find myself feeling "alone" in a different way. Several weeks/months now we have been dealing with something that has been one of the hardest things of my life. Our church- the one I have gone to since age 11- has closed its doors forever. I believe this was God's plan for us. I believe God wants us to be somewhere else. (We are still trying to figure out where that is.) The decision was a difficult one and sadly there wasn't 100% agreement. I don't have to put here what happens when there isn't total agreement on a major decision. In trying to be sensitive to the feelings of those against the closing, I was not able to properly mourn what took place.


Now that I have distanced myself from my church home/family for a few weeks I feel myself feeling totally lost & alone. WHERE does God want us to go? WHAT does he want for us to do? I need the security that comes from a church family that I know I belong to and that they love me and I love them.


We have only had a chance to visit one place so far. It was great. We were totally comfortable. Still, as the Christmas season draws near I ACHE for "our" traditions that sometimes seemed blah. I miss the few old ladies we had left- one of which died the week before we closed. I don't like to sit here and dwell on this because it makes me question what was done. I KNOW we made the right decision. God gave me a MAJOR peace about it. I am excited to see what the Lord has in store for us. I just hope he shows us VERY soon so that we can plant our feet and our HEARTS in another church body.

A verse that has meant a lot to me is Psalm 138:8- The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, Oh Lord, endures forever- do not abandon the works of your hands. God has a great plan and He hasn't forgotten about me. He will guide me and be with me wherever he takes me.


You can pray for us as we seek out God's direction.