There are worse things for sure but still it is difficult when you make a major life decision that you KNOW is God's plan for YOU and someone that you love and trust tells you it is NOT God's plan and then turns on you. Broken relationships are HARD for me. I can't stand to have people upset with me and I often want to try over and over again to make peace... sometimes just making the situation worse.
Well, I have been dealing with something like this for some time now and I am constantly having to check myself- get rid of bitterness, forgive, let go, etc. Just when I think I have done so completely the wound is reopened and someone pours salt on it. Just before Christmas I was once again struggling and had to spend much time with the Lord in order to let it go. I can't say it enough- the way you handle yourself in times of hardship is a testimony. Sadly whatever you have said over the past YEARS is called into question when you handle yourself very badly.
Anyway, this blog is getting long. I was under control as far as my struggle goes but then last night I DREAMED a dream- almost reliving my entire ordeal. :( I know it wasn't real and that it's the devil at work but it is very hard. Today I want to cry and scream and FIX IT! But I can't. Nothing I say or do will fix the broken relationships. Nothing can take back the hurtful things that have been said- the lies and accusations. This is a situation where no matter how much I defend, people will believe what they want. Ears & hearts are closed.
I am leaning on God's words today-
Deuteronomy 5:33
Walk in all the way that the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live and prosper and prolong your days in the land that you will possess.
Mike & I are walking in the way the Lord has commanded us. We have felt his hand leading us every step through this trial. Doors are open and we have heard his strong voice speaking to us. In fact, sometimes I hear his words so clearly that I'm almost shocked. The exact words he needed me to hear are reaching my ears and into my heart.
I feel wonderful and am excited about the ways the Lord is calling us. Still, I long for the peace that comes from reconciliation. Until then I will rest in the peace that only the Lord can give me.
2 comments:
I am the same way, Amy. I can't stand it when someone is upset with me. I have been in situations where someone has told me that the path which I chose, which I was sure was God's intended path for me, was wrong. The person who has told me this on more than one decision was usually attempting to control my choices and not following God himself. It is very difficult when it is someone you love and who you want to please, but each time, I knew I was following God's plan, and I have never regretted it. If I hadn't followed God's plans, I wouldn't have a music degree, wouldn't be a SAHM and definitely wouldn't be homeschooling. Praise God for HIS leading in difficult times! The relationship was eventually repaired, though there were times that it took a little longer. I'll be praying for you. Thanks for sharing your heart.
I always appreciate the way in which you write with such transparency and honesty. You have been a blessing to me, once again Amy Murphy!
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