I know the beginning of this blog entry is going to sound like I'm complaining about all of my ailments but please stick with it. I promise there is a point to it all. :)
I woke up Tuesday morning feeling horrible. My head was pounding. I felt nauseous. I had a bunch of junk in my nose/throat. My hands were KILLING me. I could hardly walk, hardly stand up. At the rheumatologist on Monday the doctor had been pressing in certain areas to see if they were painful and when she pressed my lower back she ignited a fire- a problem that happens once a year or so. Couldn't bend or get comfy. Not to mention my shoulder was aching. I knew it would all go away eventually- everything except the hand pain- but in that moment I felt like a mess.
Our co-op was going on a HIKE that day and since I'm a leader I really felt like I should be there. I was gonna just deal with all of my struggles and go anyway but THANKFULLY Ethan was sick and I was able to stay home. (Mike was off work and he took the other four kids without me.)
After Mike & the kids left I was walking towards the bathroom, hunkered over, imagining this is how an older person might feel. As I looked from room to room I realized that the house was a total mess. The bed/couch/recliner was calling my name really loudly but how can I possibly sit when the house looks like this. If I cleaned while the kids were gone I might get things done more quickly. But HOW can I clean? I can't bend down to pick stuff up, or load the dishwasher, or make beds, or sweep the rugs. Sigh.
I am determined to get the job done though or else we won't be productive around here. How will I get it done? I will ask the Lord to help me do it and He will!! One little thing at a time. Slowly.
As I finally reached the bathroom (actually this was a quick thought process cause my house is tiny) I started thinking about how this messy house was like a relationship I'm struggling with in my life. It's a mess. A real mess. Sometimes it seems hopeless. I want to give up. I want to close my eyes and just forget about it. I want to complain about it. I want to feel sorry for myself and ask why I'm the one who has to do all the work. This "job" is too big. I can't do it. Excuse. Excuse. Excuse.
But like trying to clean my house with a messed up body, I am determined to get it done or else I won't be productive in serving the Lord. And I can't expect my relationship to be 100% perfect just like that. I have to ask the Lord to help me and He will. One little thing at a time. Slowly. It's going to take a lot of work. There will be pain and struggles. It might even get dirtier before it gets clean. But just like the house there will be peace and rest and love.
Do you have something you are struggling with and you are feeling like it should come together faster than what it is? Ask the Lord to help you and He will. One little thing at a time. Slowly.
But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar
on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk
and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31
1 comment:
I love the way you can take an everyday experience and draw spiritual parallels, and then you tell the story so well that it really makes me think. Thanks for sharing this. We have several strained relationships that we are dealing with right now. It is hard to know when to push and when to walk away, especially when the other person is so adamantly pushing you away. It makes me super sad during a time in our lives when we have never battled such difficulties. I would choose to mend things if I were in their shoes just so I could be supporting the people I loved because that is most important, you know? But it isn't up to me. Anyway, I'm kind of caught in the middle of something that I feel helpless to fix, and this made me think about that and what I can be doing. PRAYER is my biggest action step right now!
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