All my life I dreamed of having a family (usually envisioned 3 kids... lol) and being a stay-at-home Mom. Yes, I went to college and graduated with a few degrees but I never cared if I used them. I only went to college because at that time in my life I didn't know what else to do and since my older sister had gone to college it seemed like a good plan.
Now here I am doing what I always dreamed of and I am thankful for my children- all five of them. (Kisses to my hubby. I don't want him to feel left out.)
If you had asked me 11 years ago about homeschooling I would have said you were CRAZY!!! Only WEIRD people homeschool. Kids who are homeschooled are WEIRD. I can't remember how many times I thought/said that. I'm ashamed of myself when I think of it. After my older sister taught in our public school and then substituted after her own children were born I quickly knew that homeschooling was the option that the Lord wanted for us.
We started homeschooling in 2005 and we loved it. This was/is our 6th year homeschooling and it has always gone well for us. Yes, we get to the end of the year and we all get restless. Sure each kid has their strengths and weaknesses. Every time we add another kid we have to rework our routine- especially when you are also adding a baby. But in general it's been a blessing to us all.
However, these past few weeks/months have been harder. Is it because I'm getting less patient? Is it because I did too many cakes this year and we got a little behind? Is it because we added our fourth kid to the homeschool mix? Is it because I didn't fill out my planner for the entire year at the beginning like I always did in the past?? I think about issues we had at the beginning of the school year and they are mostly resolved. Alison can work more independent and reads a lot more. Ethan, who doesn't love to write, is able to complete writing assignments on his own without complaining. Abigail's brain finally clicked in the math department. But one kid seems to be WORSE.
Blake has a really smart brain. He started school halfway through a school year because he was begging me and he was ready to start. He is a grade ahead of where the public school would put him. He learned to read extremely early and spells better than most adults. (I almost feel sorry for Ethan who is a grade ahead because Blake's skills in reading/writing are way higher than Ethan's. Thankfully Ethan doesn't seem to mind.) I have never thought my first two kids were advanced or anything- just normal- but Blake is very unique. (And Alison is normal like the first two.) He loves working independently and his memory is awesome. Even songs he memorizes after hearing them once.
So, after that paragraph of praise towards Blake you probably wonder why I would think he is worse. First off, his handwriting is HORRIBLE. Now I know we don't all have good handwriting but if I sit by him and he SLOWS down then it's much better. He is always talking and fidgiting and shouts out stuff- like maybe just a squeal or crazy laugh. He gets up all the time. He sits on his feet and rocks his chair. He breaks all the pencils- either the leads or just in half- and he breaks all of the erasers off. He taps. He scribbles. He TALKS and is loud.
I've been treating it as BAD behavior. He's not obeying. Everyone else is obeying, he should too! He's just choosing to be disobedient. He needs a spank. He can do good if he wants to. I have grounded, taken things away, sent him to his bed, etc. It just seems to be getting worse. He gets frustrated and cries. I don't know what is going on.
I finally started considering that maybe something else is going on. I was (am) afraid to visit the possibility of ADD/ADHD because I have heard so many people with negative feelings toward the issue. I can't tell you how many times I heard someone say, "There is nothing wrong with that kid. They just need a spanking." I don't want to use a medical diagnosis as an EXCUSE for what is really just bad (normal) behavior. Still, something seems odd about Blake.
He was born by a scheduled c-section and had pneumothorax when he was born. After spending several days in the NICU he was healed and released. At 8 months of age- and hardly any weight gain- he went through TONS of testing and was diagnosed with hypotonia. He had 15 months of occupational, physical, & speech therapy and finally just before Alison was born he was done with that program. He has ALWAYS been sensitive to sound. At a few months old I had to keep the other kids out of the room & turn the tv off if I was going to have him focus on nursing.
The therapists said his brain was different. Never putting anything inside his mouth but instead studying every toy and finding out how it worked before moving on. Of course that made us feel good since we were concerned about Blake and his development and his future.
Fast forward to now... I took Blake for his well visit last week and I finally agreed with myself that I would mention something to the pediatrician. We have been given surveys to fill out and to give to other adults who work closely with Blake. I did one of the surveys today and I can tell by looking at it that I'm not totally off with my concerns. I also did the survey mentally for two of the other kids and that confirmed in my heart that I'm not crazy.
As I got to the second half of the survey though I started to feel anxious. There are a ton of questions that I don't like answering. All of the sudden I started panicking thinking they are gonna take my kids away. When you are a homeschooler and "encouraged" to join HSLDA you start to feel paranoid that EVERYONE is against you and they are going to try to take your kids from you... or at least send the police over and force you to give up your right to homeschool. If I answer all of the questions will "they" think that I am to blame for Blake's issues? Will it add fuel to the fire in the debate of homeschooling?? I don't know.
The question is, should I just DEAL with Blake like I have been and forget about finding out if something else is going on just because I'm AFRAID? (Not to mention the diagnosis that will stay with him forever and he'll always have to report it.) I just don't know.
5 comments:
my first thought addresses your fear of having your kids taken away because of your choice to hs.
you have 3 other kids that you have hs that are doing perfectly wonderful. they are on task, on grade level, and their behavior is 'normal'. according to your words, blake is the only one having these issues.
that right there proves that your homeschooling methods are successful. 3 out of 4 of your hs kids are doing well...
i'm pretty sure that fear can be wiped out of your mind.
i admit that i am one who has issues with the add/adhd diagnosis bandwagon simply because it is legitimately OVERdiagnosed. sometimes the behavior is simply needing changed through discipline. SO MANY kids today get zero discipline, but plenty of medication.
however, that being said, i DO believe there is a legitimate issue of add/adhd and a correct diagnosis for some children (though far fewer than what are actually diagnosed).
because of blake's medical history, and his issues such as sensitive hearing and incredible intelligence, there could be more going on than just bad behavior. it could be a medical issue such as add/adhd or other medical issue. OR it could be something totally different.
by that, i mean it could be an issue of not being challenged enough (despite his failure on some assignments, it could be lack of effort and not lack of understanding). it could also be that homeschooling is not for him. (i am not suggesting you not home school him. i'm just suggesting other possibilities for your mind to consider).
as you pray about him and learn more about add/adhd, you may be able to have a better 'diagnosis' or understanding of him yourself.
BUT let me add, IF he does have add/adhd, then that's absolutely OK!! Because that is how God created him and his brain, and that is the exact perfect way God wanted him to be!
It doesn't mean you can't home school him. It does mean he may need different methods/time of day/levels of difficulty/different curriculum than your other 3. maybe God is giving you a challenge to stretch the teacher and mom in you through Blake! :)
i will be praying for you! and DO NOT FEAR! pray and trust our Father for your family, especially for Blake, and follow His leading.
I can't wait to see what God is going to do through this situation! :)
Love you, Friend! :)
One of my best friends growing up was diagnosed with ADHD. We attended a strict Christian school, and there were times I felt SO badly for him. I knew he wasn't a rebellious, bad kid, but because he didn't assimilate like everybody else, he got treated like one a lot. With that experience in mind, I tend to think homeschooling is a great option for kids with ADD/ADHD, b/c it allows for more flexible teaching methods that are tailor made for the student.
I feel you on the fear thing. It's scary to let professionals into your relationship with your children, and I understand "the label" thing too. But at the same time, it might really help you to know what sort of things might help. In the very least, you might do some research on different methods for kids with this kind of disorder. Couldn't hurt!
And for what it's worth, my friend grew up just fine. He was never a stellar student, but it wasn't b/c he wasn't smart. He's got a very mechanical mind. He's served in the military and did several tours in Iraq. He was medicated as a child, but I don't think he is any longer. He's in law enforcement now. :) There are so many ways for people to be successful. While being good in school is a good goal, I don't think it should define us as much as our culture says it should. Education happens in many ways. But that's a post for another day. ;) Praying for you friend!
Amy...Regardless of what Blake's special need is, he still has a purpose and plan. I know you know this but you need to cement this truth in your mind if you explore seeking the help/guidance of the "professional" world. I am going to email you.
Let me start by saying there MAY be something medical that could be addressed, but I want to offer another possible perspective too.
Lukas is also a gifted child. He started kindergarten a week before his 5th bday. Kindergarten was a breeze. 1st grade...not so much. About half-way through the school year, he started bulking. It wasn't that he couldn't do the work that I was giving him, it was that he just didn't want to because he was 6, and I was pushing him forward as if he were 8 because that's where his academic abilities were. His capabilities weren't in line w/his maturity level. I backed off on the academics for a while, and his behavior improved rather quickly. He wanted to do the things that 1st grader's do...play, create art and build things, be read to, etc...He wanted to have some fun while learning!
I know that Blake's issues aren't exactly like Lukas' issues, but maybe this could be a factor for him as well? Maybe the upcoming summer break will give him an academic break and allow you to focus on the behavior issues only for a while. It might be just what he needs!
Also...Having taught Blake at Jasper several times and being trained as a teacher to recognize the obvious symptoms of ADD/ADHD, I would NEVER have suspected that Blake would have either. He was able to sit through class w/o disruption(unless he was sitting by a certain distracting cousin who will remain unnamed...heehee), and he was always very bright. I know that I am not an expert, but there could be another medical explanation that might be easier to manage once you know what it is.
No matter what, it probably won't hurt to find out if you think it would set your mind at ease. I'm always hesitant to share info w/anyone that I think is none of their business, so I'll be praying that you know just what is appropriate to share so that you can figure out what is going on. I don't think you have anything to worry about as far as your homeschooling rights being taken or your kids being taken.
The Lord knows everything there is to know about Blake, and he designed you to be Blake's mother. You are his perfect match. If the Lord is leading you and Mike to have Blake tested, then you should do it even if lots of people out there think that things are over-diagnosed. It hasn't been over-diagnosed for YOUR child who the Lord gave to you! Only you and Mike know what is best for him!
I'm praying for you, Mike and Blake! You'll figure this out! You're one of the best moms I know!
Thanks for being so open. It's nice to read that other moms are going through struggles too. Sometimes, we moms create our own little islands. Thanks for sharing with us!
I talked with my mom yesterday (cause you had talked to me about having her fill out that survey) and there was something that we talked about that I want to share with you (nothing bad) :). We'll have to talk some time about it in person cause I think it's too hard to write it all down.
Post a Comment